A roundtable discussion of ageplay and diaper fetish, recorded in the heart of Utah.  This should be interesting!

To listen, just click play below this post.

Or, download the MP3 on their website.

A commonly used tactic for characterizing an ageplayer, particularly in television media, involves pathologizing the individual. This means that the ageplayer is depicted as a damaged, emotionally scarred or sick person, and this damage or illness makes their current behaviour understandable to the viewer, who is assumed to be “normal.” This illness or damage is linked to the ageplayer’s sexuality, at which point it is assumed to be established as the core or essence of the ageplayer’s being — it becomes the driving identity of their life. Margot Weiss explains that this helps viewers differentiate between those “normal” people like themselves who might occasionally experiment with ageplay for fun, for style, as a behaviour or a practice, and “those perverts” whose identities are completely occupied by ageplay. The occasional experience involving schoolgirl or poolboy scenarios is therefore acceptable, but to stray too far from social expectations means that you might carry some illness or emotional trauma that rules your life.

Examples of this kind of treatment of ageplayers are easy to spot. In fact, this method of understanding kink in general is so widespread that it is often adopted by ageplayers as a way to understand themselves, and in turn explain themselves to others.  The Vice piece on Baby Bunnykins, for example, states in its first line that “he has paraphilic infantilism— a condition characterized by the uncontrollable desire to wear diapers and act and be treated like a baby.” Further in the article, when asked to explain his desires, Baby Bunnykins explains that he had “a traumatizing childhood,” and that he “used to think all Abs were wounded as children like I was,” but soon discovered that traumatic childhood experiences were not a necessary precondition to possessing these desires.

In a similar vein, Stanley in the National Geographic episode of Taboo attributes his desires to childhood abuse at home. This same abuse also resulted in a PTSD diagnosis. Stanley’s ageplaying is then presented as a coping method to deal with his past abuse. I will note here that a certain class bias present in the backlash against Stanley’s media appearance. While many aspects shared in the episode are subject to discussion and critique, what gained mainstream appeal was the fact that Stanley was supported by social assistance while running a website and building an item or two of furniture. The assumption here is that if one is on social assistance or poor, one should not be able to find any enjoyment out of life— and definitely not out of a simple website or a self-built item of furniture constructed out of donated material.

Most recently, Riley Kilo found herself being “understood” through a pathologizing strategy in an episode of My Strange Addiction. One particular segment begins with the narrative voice-over: “Is her addiction preventing her from having a normal life?” Riley meets with a psychologist, and is asked to produce a narrative about her history as a means of providing some context to the psychologist. What level of editing occurred here is unknown, but the segment follows with Riley recounting the traumatic experience of being bullied in middle school. Immediately after discussing these experiences, Riley contests the implication that these bullying experiences have anything to do with her current choices of pleasure and style by stating “I don’t really feel I do this [ageplay] because I had all these negative things in my life.” The psychologist responds, however, with “I challenge you a little bit on feeling like this aspect isn’t very strongly related to your experience” and explains after the meeting to the viewer that “it’s not possible for someone to make her [Riley] change. It’s her coping skill. So trying to tell her that she just has to stop— she’ll just drive it underground.” The message is clear: Riley’s ageplaying should be understood as a coping mechanism to deal with her traumatic experience being bullied as a child.

The implication in all these cases is that were it not for this illness, disease, emotional trauma or damaged personality, the ageplayer would not be an ageplayer. Instead, they would exhibit some “normal” sexuality (heterosexual, married, etc.) and would not be afflicted with this “problem.”  

Understanding through pathologizing is a fundamentally patronizing explanatory strategy. One’s tastes and pleasures should not have to be examined by and defended from armchair psychologists or the pity of a television audience.  A preference for vaginal intercourse or digital stimulation does not require an excavation of one’s past for hidden traumas, so why should a preference for particular items of clothing or roles need such a treatment? What is revealed in this pathologizing strategy is a preoccupation: “why is it that this person is not normal?” This preoccupation assumes that a certain narrow set of sexualities are normal: heterosexual, married, vanilla, etc. Instead of challenging this assumption about one’s ideas of normal (perhaps it is the case that people’s sexualities exhibit themselves in a multiplicity of unique and wonderful ways!), the viewer is automatically directed to think that any aberration from the privileged set of normal sexualities is the result of damage or illness.

A smattering of high-profile depictions of ageplay have appeared in the mainstream media these past few months. Stanley and his carpentry skills were featured in a May 2011 National Geographic episode of Taboo, but quickly attracted the attention of a not-so-friendly senator. Baby Bunnykins and his Thailand-based nursery were featured in Vice magazine online in June 2011.  And more recently, Riley Kilo was featured in a July 2011 episode of TLC’s My Strange Addiction. This is likely to be the most attention the ageplay community has garnered in the mainstream media in quite some time! Besides occasional talk-show and news story appearances, ageplay in the popular media has been largely limited to a 2008 episode of The Secret Lives of Women and the infamous “King Baby” episode of CSI in 2005.

While these media representations have spurred a variety of colourful responses in comment sections everywhere (how odd! how disgusting! to each their own!), the discussion within the ageplay community has been more interesting–even resulting in its own podcast episode. Members of our community have raised some very important questions.

Does increased media exposure signal an increased level of acceptance in mainstream society? Or, does this exposure merely create another opportunity to vilify ageplayers and their lifestyle?

Will getting a “right” or “proper” depiction of ageplay into the mainstream finally dispel the swirling mass of rumours and suspicions that surround this kink?

In this series of blog posts, I will explore these questions by making use of an academic paper by Margot Weiss entitled Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics of BDSM Representation in U.S. Popular Media. Weiss examines reactions of non-practitioners to depictions of BDSM in the popular media by having respondents view advertisements and a film that include BDSM content, and then notes their responses in focus groups, interviews and surveys. Weiss argues that two key strategies are used to promote acceptance and understanding of sexual minorities: first, acceptance via normalization, and second, understanding via pathologizing. Weiss also argues that these two strategies serve to mask (or even reinforce) the privileged status of normative sexuality.

My aim is to examine the relevance of these two strategies with regards to depictions of ageplay in the popular media. While ageplay does not occupy quite the same role as BDSM in the popular imagination of our culture, it remains a variant sexuality and its practitioners a sexual minority. Weiss’s insights can be read as even more significant for ageplayers, as ageplay, arguably, does not enjoy the same level of recognition as BDSM. I will use examples from recent media exposure to illustrate how the dual strategies of normalization and pathologization are used to explain ageplay in the popular media.

Ideally, this will help move conversations in the ageplay community beyond whether or not the mainstream media “gets us.” What these conversations often fail to recognize is that a particular set of values and ideas about sexuality enjoy a privileged status in our culture, and any discussion of kink, ageplay or BDSM occurs in this context. Rather than think of ourselves as ageplayers that are woefully misunderstood, our sexualities may be understood as potentially challenging to this set of values and ideals about sexuality (often referred to as “normal”). If ageplay is indeed a form of sexuality that is challenging or threatening to privileged norms, strategies employed by mainstream popular culture (normalizing or pathologizing) can therefore be seen as ways to represent ageplay in a non-threatening, neutered manner, safe for consumption by a mainstream audience.

He also created the It Gets Better Project to help stop gay teen suicides by broadcasting messages of hope.  For his achievements, Dan has won several awards like the Webby (see video below).

Episode 3

Caller starts speaking at 0:35.  Dan dives right into his third podcast episode with a question from a woman who has a diaper fetishist boyfriend and wants to know just how to please him.

Episode 64

Caller begins speaking at 38:00.  Dan compares ABDL to grammar fetish… It’s hard not to laugh, at first.

Episode 171

Caller starts speaking at 28:31.
A caller asks whether or not she should reveal her diaper fetish to her roommate to eliminate the fears she has about getting walked-in on while she’s at home.

Episode 174

Caller starts speaking at 29:52.
A caller comments on Dan’s advice from episode 171.

Episode 197

Caller starts speaking at 10:22.
A 25 year-old woman living with her father discovers cloth diapers hanging to dry in the bathroom and after a chat with her mom realizes her dad is a diaper fetishist.

Episode 229

Caller starts speaking at 13:07.
A 23 year-old woman who just broke up with her first daddy has a dilemma about “vanilla” dating, now that she knows that age play is something she needs to be fulfilled sexually.

Episode 235

Caller starts speaking at 42:55.
Favorite calls in with a response to Dan’s advice on episode 229.

Riley is about as brave as they come.  For the past several years, she has been documenting her gender transition online. Her blogs, ProtectionBlog and Let’s Get SRS are filled with uplifting video entries, on everything from her exciting adventures in California and New York, to cute pink ruffles and fluffy diapers.  It’s hard not to smile when you encounter someone like Riley.  She lives her life in bold and boisterous ways, allowing us to glimpse into her day-to-day life and share the excitement of her personal journey.

Personally, I’m excited that someone like Riley has taken to the spotlight to talk about adult babies and age play.  Her ability to articulate her feelings and convey her enthusiasm for life is exactly what we need to see in the media. I have no doubts that Riley recognized her opportunity to dispel the media’s misconceptions of the ABDL lifestyle and spoke with conviction.

The episode airs on July 24. Check your local listings.

After watching, please leave a comment below and tell us how you reacted.  Do you think the show intended to demonize Riley or was it more balanced than that? Do you think the media is growing more tolerant of us, or just finding better people to represent us?

The Big Little Podcast
A podcast by, about and for age players of all kinds.  Hosted by Mako and Spacey–creators of the ABDL pride symbol (which inspired the iDiaper.me logo) and the Little’s Munch Project.

Savage Lovecast
Dan Savage is an award-winning advice columnist and podcast host.  His advice can be blunt and harsh, but is always sex-positive and practical. Check out episode 235 to listen to Favorite’s call-in comment!

Freedom of Fetish
Raven Lightholme is a professional-office-woman by day, and kinky-advice-podcaster by night.  Her show focuses on the most kinky and taboo forms of play–as her tagline would suggest: “No question is too taboo”.

Defunct Podcasts:

Corner Time – Short episodes of random insights from an ABDL college student.

Do you know of a podcast we’re forgetting?  Send us an email and we’ll list it in our directory.

The Masocast Podcast interviewed Mako Allen, self-published author of the book Auntie Eva’s Boarder, about his journey to now.  Mako talks about past relationships and the challenge of involving an ex in his kink.  He’ll tell you how he realized, at an early age, that he loved to be spanked.

To listen, just click play below this post.

Or, download your own MP3 at their website.

There was a time–not too long ago, in fact–that I believed all sex-workers were just opportunistic sluts trying to earn their beer money…  But then I discovered Penny Barber’s podcast and I’ve since changed my mind.  These adorable camwhores have lots of really amazing insights! ^_^

Penny Barber, self-published author of the book “The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook“, recorded a podcast episode in 2009, detailing her experiences in age play–both as one half of a couple, but also as a professional dominatrix.

Her voice is a little shy (but sexy-shy) and refreshingly candid.  Her insights into the sexuality of infantilism and cheerful attitude make this podcast easy to listen to.  She discusses a few of the roles she’s played with her clients–everything from sissification, to bondage, adult baby play, diaper fetish and humiliation.  The way Penny describes the thrill of taboo role play might even inspire you to try something new!

Click here, or listen below:
http://pennybarber.podbean.com/2009/05/11/podcast-abdl/

Once you’ve listened, leave your feedback in the comments section to the right, then go follow Penny on Twitter @PamperedPenny.

To listen, just click play below this post.

Or, you can download your own MP3 on her website.

“I am an advocate of this book, which some may regret they ever opened.”

–Mark Holborn (from the Introduction of “The Babies”)

“The Babies” is a photo essay of the rarest kind.  Photographer Polly Borland has an eye for capturing intimate moments, and a flair for tease.  In The Babies, Borland gently leads the viewer into a mysterious world — a world shrouded in pastel satin.

Now, this type of publication is easily (and quite often) misunderstood, because dwelling in its pages are transvestites and infantilists–adult men wearing diapers and dresses, sleeping in cribs and nervously clutching their teddy bears.  So why thrust the taboo rituals of these men into the public eye?  The goal of this book is not to be judgmental, lewd or pornographic.  The goal is to feel… and understand.

The story is arranged so that the reader won’t see a face for several pages.  There appears a foot, a leg, a shoulder.  As soon as a full body does come into view, you get the sense that the shy introductions are over.  These “babies” are ready to play.  And oh, how they play!  Their faces glow with enthusiasm as they take to the camera like children to an audience.  Soon the raw qualities of adulthood, like yellowed teeth and wrinkled skin, are covered by a smoother mask of infancy.  Occasionally, the reader is forced to observe the torment of loneliness and isolation in their subjects’ eyes.

Although this book is not a likely candidate for the coffee table, it sits inconspicuously on a deep shelf, ready for the day you have a daring audience to share it with.  I suggest reading the Introduction first–as it doesn’t spoil the surprises like the essay (by Susan Sontag) does.

“… participants invariably speak of their loneliness.  …Here the usual trappings of the underworld or sex circus are absent.  There is no scent of leather, but rather acts of tenderness and talcum powder…”
(An additional excerpt from the Introduction)

If this is your first time viewing a photo story, take your time.  Turn the pages slowly and participate with the images.  Don’t just scan for the icons that define the abnormal.  Observe the elements common to your own life–whether it’s the floral wallpaper, or the nightlight in the hallway.

When you absorb the scene, you’ll have a better sense of where you are.  Are you inside a hotel room?  Are you at a party?

By the time you come to the photo with the kinky mattress straps, you’ve been fully initiated.  You’ll see these men romp and play, and even muster the courage to go outside. The mastery of her craft now apparent, Borland’s photos transcend judgment and become part of a metaphorical mother’s photo album.

When you reach the last photo, try to imagine what that little girl inside is thinking.  How does she feel?  How do you feel?

You may have a difficult time finding a copy of “The Babies” to purchase in the United States.  It comes and goes on eBay and in the Amazon Marketplace.  But if you look hard enough–and are prepared to spend a few bucks on it–you shouldn’t pass up the chance to peer inside their world… The world of “The Babies”.

Have you read it? Let us know how this book made you feel by posting a comment!

Bottle feeding is one of the most intimate experiences shared between ABDL couples.  The act of bottle feeding can elicit deep emotional connections, provide intense oral stimulation and satisfy the head-space of adult baby roleplay.  What makes bottle time so special?  Consider these three points:

1. Power roles are clearly defined… always.

It is typical in role play scenes to deviate from fantasy… after all, being able to adapt when the mood changes, or evolve your scene to include new elements is vital to finding what works best for you and your partner.  However, there are times during play that require both of you to know your place–and to feel safe in that place.  During bottle feeding, it becomes clear that the one sucking on the bottle is the baby and the one holding the bottle is in charge.  Baby can slip into the head-space he or she craves, while mommy or daddy watches on with proud eyes.  It’s a natural dynamic that requires very little effort, therefore it’s perfect for beginners who are exploring power exchange!

2. Oral stimulation is erotic and powerful.

Have you ever noticed just how sensitive your lips are?  There are lots of nerve endings in those two plump little lumps of flesh!  If you don’t believe me, find a business card and lightly brush the edge of it on your lower lip, where the skin meets the mucus membrane of your mouth…  It’s electrifying!  The size and texture of the right nipple can cause oral pleasure that even becomes erotic.  If your partner enjoys sexual roleplay, stroking his diaper during a bottle feeding can add a whole new dimension to his orgasm!

3. Start an anytime cuddle ritual.

Bottle feedings can take place at almost any time you’re home and want to cuddle with your partner.  Curl up on the couch and watch a movie… with your bottle.  Just before bed, read a story together… with your bottle.  Bottle time is also a perfect opportunity to encourage your babyboy or girl to indulge in head-space.  Singing her a lullaby or patting his padded bottom are gestures that tell your partner how much you enjoy the closeness… giving them a green light to let go, and just be little in your arms.

Look for more articles in this series: The Joy of the Bottle.  We’ll cover healthy alternatives to baby formula, bottle-mods and more!

In the meantime, you can help support iDiaper.me by purchasing one of these great bottle products on Amazon!  A portion of the sale will go towards meeting our hosting costs and improving the site!