Going the Distance and Overcoming Obstacles
-
When my girlfriend and I first met each other face-to-face, in the beautiful city of Calgary, we did what most couples do on awkward first dates… We went to the movies. One of the previews on that particular evening was for a movie starring Justin Long and Drew Barrymore called “Going the Distance”. We decided then and there that we would see this cheesy romantic comedy together one day.
Fast forward two months and there we were, this time in Los Angeles, sharing the theater with a mere two other couples. I fell asleep. I guess our adventure at Six Flags earlier in the day had drained my energy, because I refused to wake up. My girlfriend told me I didn’t miss much… and that the story was a B-minus at best. But if you’re over-analytical, like I am, you might have taken this situation as a bad omen. After all, the movie was called “Going the Distance” and I hadn’t gone anywhere except dreamland. Had I doomed the relationship by snoring during the Barrymore-Long phone sex scene? Of course not.
Long-distance relationships have their challenges, but here are 7 tips to helping you keep your sanity, fool your brain… and go the distance!
1. Trust your partner, completely.
Let’s face it, most long distance relationships fail because one partner just doesn’t trust the other. After all, long periods of celibacy are much easier to endure if you are confident that your partner is enduring it with you. All of these rules will relate–in one way or another–to the importance of cultivating trust.
Trusting someone new, especially someone you don’t see very often, can be difficult. Make sure that you and your partner discuss the magnitude of the big L word and what it means to be exclusive.
2. Give in to Wild Fantasies!
Top brain-scanning-scientists have shown that seeing a photo of your partner releases Dopamine, the same brain chemical that made your heart beat faster and numbed your pain receptors on the first date—just in smaller doses. So if you want to get high on a daydream, hang photos of you and your partner in your cubicle, on your fridge, on your bathroom mirror… and set your phone’s wallpaper and screensaver. It’s okay to occasionally fantasize about all the fun trips you’ll take and new sex positions you’ll try because fantasy is healthy. It’s even fun to talk about on Skype… or by sexting!
3. Make a You-and-Me Soundtrack
Put together a compilation of all those sexy power-ballad love songs that both of you sing along to in the car. Listen to it whenever you need a little dose of memories… and Dopamine! Imagine if you could maintain that high-on-love feeling for weeks after your last visit.
One more thing… It might seem a little cheesy to send your partner a poem by text, but little things like that mean more to her than you’ll ever know. So rhyme it up Romeo!
4. Beware what your friends say.
In every circle of friends, there is bound to be one big fat relationship pessimists. This person is a jaded dooty-head, that he or she makes killing relationships–a contact sport. Jealousy makes some people go crazy, and they’re possessed to say anything and everything to try and make you doubt your relationship. They always play the distance card right away. So ignore people who don’t support your relationship. Especially snide remarks like, “Well I don’t think I could trust anybody to be faithful when you live so far apart. People have urges.”
Yeah, everybody does have urges, but you must trust your partner. Stand up for what you know to be true in the relationship–like your talk about exclusivity–and then start hanging out with people who aren’t trying to mind fuck you.
“Mind fucking is not no joke.”
5. Have at least one complete conversation per day.
In this age of technology, it has never been easier to have a conversation with someone—even if it takes all day to finish. You can converse via text, e-mail, instant message, Skype, and a thousand other ways! If you’re serious about communication, then you’ll need an unlimited text plan, a Skype-friendly webcam, or a phone card. However you decide to keep in touch, you should do it regularly. Schedule at least one weekly Skype or webcam chat for face-to-face interaction. The more you see your sweetheart, the more happy-chemicals your brain produces, the more you learn about each other, and the more bearable the distance seems.
Tip: A Skype date shouldn’t be less important than a real, face-to-face date. Take a shower, brush your teeth and comb your hair. Your partner will recognize the effort, which adds emotional value to your time together.
6. Prepare for withdrawals.
If you are in a situation where your partner is impossibly far away to drive—like across the continent—then it’s likely you’re not able to visit each other without a lot of planning, and waiting.
You’ve invested a lot of your time and emotions by saving your money, then setting the date and buying airline tickets. The suspense builds quickly, and then all you can do is set a months-long countdown. During this time, you’ll miss your lover terribly. Cry when you need to, but stay focused and optimistic.
7. Talk things out.
If you have a moment where you’re feeling jealous, or uptight, or angry with your partner, take some time to discuss it. Don’t let anything your partner say shock you, because complete honesty can take you off guard, but is better for your relationship in the long term.
About The Author
Favorite
Favorite is a 24-year old finance professional living in Arizona and the founder of iDiaper.me. He has been attracted to diapers since the age of five and is enjoying the challenge of integrating age play into his romantic relationships. Favorite is devoted to the study of human sexuality and the psychology of kink. He hopes to one day join the ranks of sex-positive educators with folks like Lee Harington and Alfred Kinsey.
Leave a Reply
This Article is Creative Commons Licensed
For more information about your rights and responsibilities under this license, click here.-
222 Followers
One Response and Counting...
My Daddy and I are long distance. He is in Hampshire and I'm in Cape Town.
Things I'd like to add to your list:
* snail mail cards are a very personal way of feeling close, seeing your partner's handwriting in ink is very special.
* remembering important dates and celebrating holidays
* (and this is a personal quirk) I like knowing what my Daddy eats.
* both keeping blogs, reading and commenting on each ther's. It lets you know your life events/thoughts/ideas are importsnt to your partner.